


Then and Now

by devilbabycryman



Category: Shin Megami Tensei Series, Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
Genre: Gen, True Demon Ending, Violence, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 18:08:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5014861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devilbabycryman/pseuds/devilbabycryman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For a little while, I was afraid of myself and the things around me. But only for a little while.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Then and Now

**Author's Note:**

> a quick look into Hitoshura's descent into True Demon. i got pretty raw with this one, i guess i was venting.

For a little while, I was afraid of myself and the things around me. But only for a little while.

The pain was too much the first time. On top of the crushing paralysis I felt at that moment, the sight of that great, dark insect being dangled above my face filled me with insurmountable horror. I wanted to get away, I wanted to scream, but all I could do was watch as my mouth was wrenched open and that spiny terror was dropped inside. It writhed down my throat, scraping the sides with its jagged claws and skin, burning its way toward my stomach and intestines. I choked, and my vision blurred and throbbed with my rapidly decreasing heartbeat. There was a stillness, then a horrible fire being spread through every vein and cell in my body. My muscles tensed up and even though I couldn’t control it, I was helplessly aware of my back arching painfully forward. There was an acute stabbing pain in the very center of my heart, and the back of my neck tingled painfully; the skin was being pushed and stretched and hardened into some frightful protrusion that kept me from resting my head against the ground on which I lay.

I was so numb with pain that I couldn’t even feel the acid being regurgitated from my mouth and coating my chest. I could hardly even register the sight of that smiling child in front of me, the one responsible for my suffering at this moment. He was amused, and it angered me to the point of seeing nothing but red, yet I could do nothing, and soon my consciousness faded.

 

* * *

 

During my first fight, I was terrified. And though I wouldn’t have said so at the time, I won.

The incorporeal souls that drifted through the hospital I woke up in ran chills through my spine. The fact that those hovering wisps used to be people (living, breathing people with families and hopes and emotions) made me want to cry, but I couldn’t find the energy to do so. I stopped listening to them speak after awhile, because I was afraid I might find one that used to be my mom. Or my dad. I couldn’t handle the fact that all of it was gone; everything I had known for my short life, everything I loved and took for granted because I never thought it would go away. All of that was gone now, and what was left behind was utter chaos; Hell on Earth.

Then, at the worst possible time, I met the demons.

There were three of them congregated in a whispering, smacking mass bent over something I couldn’t see; they were half my size, but from the tilt of their heads I could see they had wide hollow eyes and sickly purple skin. Their bodies were hunched over and when they all turned around from the writhing pile they were picking at on the floor, I noticed horribly distended bellies and long, smiling mouths. They hissed and cackled like bones being knocked together and one of them twitched its way closer to me, groaning and drooling in its broken voice about how hungry it was.

I had no idea what to do. I tried to run, but they were fast on their small feet, and the sound of them rattling and slapping and cracking their bones behind me made me shake and trip over myself. They lunged on me as soon as I fell like starving hyenas who couldn’t wait for me to die. They were clawing at my face, creating horrible painful gashes in my cheeks and arms as I tried to shield myself. I almost threw up again at the sensation of thick globules of saliva splashing my face when one of them loomed over me and croaked about how “tasty” my eyes looked.

I panicked, and out of instinct swung my arms forward to knock it off of me. It flew against a wall somewhere and though I couldn’t see, for a moment I was surprised at my own strength and how my body pulsed and rippled with each muscle I put any effort into. Without wasting time, I kicked and flung the other two off of me lunged on the first one I could see, grabbing its thin neck, feeling its protruding vertebrae against my fingers as I squeezed with all my might. It thrashed beneath me and screamed unholy, and tears were streaming from my eyes. I sobbed and ducked my head low, wanting to wipe my face before my wet gagging turned to purging, but wanting even more desperately to stop this creature’s noise. Eventually, with a scream, I snapped its neck with my grip and it fell limp against the ground. Its glowing eyes were wide open and protruding slightly, and its tongue hung thick from the side of its mouth, limp and long and still wet with phlegm. There was silence as I stood over the creature, shaking and staring at my hands which were covered in black mess that had also begun pouring from the wound I had created, having almost ripped its head from its disproportionate body. I was heaving and gulping and wiping my face of the spit, smearing the still-warm blackness in its stead but not being cognizant enough to care. I turned to the other two who were cowering against the far wall. My heart was pounding and I was still terrified, but my face and eyes screamed murder and I knew they could sense it. I approached them slowly, not wanting to relive the horror of that suffering creature just moments before, but willing to do whatever it took to protect myself. They whimpered and shrank against the wall, throwing strange coins at me and begging for mercy. I stopped moving and they took the oppurtunity to scurry away so quickly that I couldn’t have caught them even if I wanted to.

I sniffled and looked down at the coins, picking them up and stilling myself before moving forward, far away from the fresh corpse I had created with my own two hands.

Thinking back on it now, their cowardice was more sickening than that corpse.

 

* * *

  
I learned quickly that the demons were all like that, spineless creatures whose bark was much worse than their bite. Over the course of an endless stretch of days, those that I decided to spare followed me unflinchingly, and with each new disciple my body surged with pride and power and I could feel myself changing.

I now relished in the blood I spilled; I admired the blackness creeping up my fingertips as my nails started to grow and harden into fierce claws; I welcomed the burning pain of each new Magatama I consumed, happy for the fresh and intense power it gave me; I stared curiously at the darkness clawing its way up my soul and after awhile, I welcomed it.

Before I knew it, I was face to face with my creator, but he had changed as had I. He was a great towering beast, and in a voice thick as thunder he asked me where my loyalties lie. I was thankful to him for all he had given me, and curious about what his grand plan must be. I wanted to know why he chose me, why he introduced me to this strength that carried me through a world I didn’t belong in.

I told him I would follow him to the ends of the Earth, and he smiled.

Then, my body surged with something new. An intense pounding that worked its way through my skin even to the tips of each hair. My vision was blood and my mind was death itself. I was filled to the brim with that darkness that had only hidden in the corners of my heart up until this point. I looked up at the demon proudly, smiling wide and bowing to him in apparent subservience.

He delighted in it a little too much, and bequeathed unto me the power to command a vast army with which to take on the forces of God himself. I accepted this power, but on the tips of my smile were silent promises of further bloodshed and conquest.

Though I served my master like a faithful pet, I knew in the back of my mind that it was only a matter of time until I bested him as well, and he became just another sacrifice.


End file.
